The High School Kira Soundtrack
by sxc pancake power
Summary: Mikami discovered High School Musical and fell in love with it. Then he decided he should make a 'Kira' version of the soundtrack. Then he made a really horrific commercial for it. AND THIS IS THE OUTCOME. AlsoalotofMikamibashingthatmakesnosensekthnxbai.
1. Gay Ass Commercial

Narrator: Hey! Do you love High School Musical?! Do you support Kira?! I'm guessing you said no since most people hate both of them, but if you're one of the few people who said yes, you'll LOVE this! The High School KIRA Soundtrack! In stores now! With classics such as...

_(To the tune of 'What Time Is It? (Summertime)'.)  
_Mikami: What time is it?! Kira time! -Looks scared because he can't think of anything else to say- Um...Da na _**NA **_na.

Narrator: And everybodys' favourite...

_(To the tune of 'Breaking Free'.)  
_Takada: We're murder-ii-iing!  
Mikami: Ki-iii-liii-iing!  
Both: There's not a person on Earth that we can't kill!  
Takada: Oh. -Her microphone has feedback- What about L and Near?  
Mikami: Oh yeah. I forgot about them. -Puts down microphone- I guess this song won't work then.

Narrator: And who could forget...?

_(To the tune of 'We're All In This Together'.)  
_Mikami: We're all in this together! -Sings really fast to try and make it fit- Whichmeanswhenwegetcaughtall_four_ofuswillgotojail... No. No, wait. Takada dies...Light runs away...And Misa gets to go free...-His microphone has really bad feedback- SO...I HAVE TO GO TO JAIL ALONE?!-Looks scared- BUT THEN WHO WILL SAVE ME IF I DROP THE SOAP? -He has a horrified face and starts hyperventilating while the screen quickly fades to black-

Narrator: Brought to you by...THE** FIRST** KIRA!

Light: -Turns towards the camera- What? No, Mikami. I don't want to be in the commercial for your gay little CD.  
_(Mikami does a voice-over, trying to trick the audience into thinking it's what Light really said even though it's obvious that it's Mikami speaking and anyone who can lipread can tell Light's swearing and telling Mikami to go away.)  
_Mikami in Voice-Over: YUP, IT'S THE BEST CD EVER, YOU SHOULD BUY THIRTY OF THEM. MIKAMI IS AN AWESOME SINGER AND I TOUCH MYSELF TO THOUGHTS OF THAT SEXY, SEXY LAWYER. ANYWAY YEAH BUY THE CD EVEN THOUGH MIKAMI ISN'T GOING TO GIVE ME ANY OF THE PROFITS LIKE HE ORIGINALLY PLANNED BECAUSE I MADE HIM CRY WITH MY EXTREMELY HURTFUL WORDS.  
_(While Light is still swearing at the camera silently, in the voice-over you can hear Mikami crying hysterically until he finally gets cut off.)_

Narrator: BUY IT NOW!

* * *

**_A/N:_** This is dedicated to my friend Margaret because she just realized she has a crush on Mikami.  
Congratulations, you have a crush on a psychopathic and sadistic mass murderer with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder who ends up killing himself and, in school, was a nerd that got beaten up by everyone! 8D


	2. Feedback

Mikami sat on the couch, just having watched his commercial on television. He was sitting with Teru Junior The Fourth, his pet rock, and he stared at the T.V. in disbelief.  
"Oh Jesus, is that what my voice really sounds like?"  
There was silence and he got no answer since he was alone and had no friends and stuff. Mikami hugged Teru Jr.  
"AH, YOU ALWAYS KNOW _**JUST** _WHAT TO SAY, TERU JUNIOR THE FOURTH."  
He kissed the pet rock on its' forehead. If it...Had a forehead. Apparently it did.

Mikami got up and strutted over to his phone. He picked it up and dialed Takadas' number.  
"Hello?" She said softly.  
"HEY, TAKADA. Did you see the commercial for my High School Kira Soundtrack?"  
Takada stared blankly into space.  
_'Oh God,'_ She thought to herself_, 'I can't believe how crappy that commercial was. Why the hell did I decide to sing with him? If I knew how bad it would've turned out, I would rather kill myself then say yes.'  
_She shut her eyes.  
_'Okay, no matter what I say, I have to be careful not to hurt Mikamis' feelings.'  
"_Takada?"  
"Huh? Yeah?"  
"Did you see it?"  
"Uh, yeah..."  
"WHAT DO YOU THINK?"  
"Uh, it was..._Nice_."  
"Really?"  
"HELL NO. YOU'RE A RETARD."  
Takada forgot to be nice. The crappiness of the ad got to her and she hung up. Mikami took the phone away from his ear and stared at the receiver.  
"Psh, she's just jealous that she didn't get to release her own CD."

Mikami dialed Lights' number.  
"Hello?"  
"Hey, Kami! Did you see my ad?"  
"No. I'm too busy doing awesome Light things."  
"Oh, okay...But maybe you could try to see it sometime..."  
"Mikami, leave me alone. You suck."  
Mikami started crying.  
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE A GOOD FATHE-I MEAN KAMI AND SUPPORT ME?!"  
And then he started crying hysterically and hung up on Light. He ran over to the couch and curled into a little ball and held Teru Junior in his arms. To console himself, Mikami rubbed his pet rock against his cheek while crying. Creepy, I know. He pulled a knife out from in between the cushions of the couch and started cutting himself. Because he's a loser like that.

* * *

When Mikami was done doing all his loser stuff, he thought of who else he could ask. He then stood up, walked out the front door of his house, strolled right over to the car parked across the road that followed him everywhere, opened the door and sat inside. Gevanni was sitting in the drivers' seat and eating some Chinese food. He nervously shoved the noodles he was in the middle of eating into his mouth.  
"H-hey! You can't just break into strangers' cars!"  
"Yeah, whatever. Like I don't know you're stalking me."  
Gevanni was shocked.  
"How'd you...Know?"  
"It was kind of hard to miss when I was watching TV and you shouted 'change the channel'."

"Anyway...What do you want?"  
"DID YOU SEE THAT COMMERCIAL THAT I WAS IN?"  
"Oh yeah. The High School Faggot Soundtrack, right?"  
"High School _**Kira**_!"  
"Right, right! What did_ I_ say?"  
"Did you think it was good?"  
Gevanni stared blankly at Mikami.  
"Uh...Do you want the truth?"  
"Well no duh, if I wanted a lie I'd just ask you to tell me it was horrible."  
Gevanni stared blankly at Mikami once again.

"_Uh..."  
_"Just tell me!"  
"Well, to be honest, at first I thought the ad was only on my T.V. because I was being _Punk'd_, but then I realised it wasn't a joke. So I laughed. And then I died a little on the inside because of what the world has come to."  
"I see. Thank you for your input."  
Mikami calmly walked back into his house and shut the door.

Mikami walked into his room and broke down crying hysterically (Again...) and started cutting himself because he's a loser without any friends and no one likes him and he should kill himself. Then he hugged his pillow and started rocking back and forth and told himself to go to a happy place.  
But no happy place wants Mikami.  
Because he sucks.


End file.
